The little bleeder or self referential Glorious Leader has a bark far worse than his bite. Often found wheeling and dealing on ebay like a modern-day Del Boy, spends most of his time buying and selling various music equipment when he's not playing rhythm guitar or drinking rum and gnarling his voice in a raspy angry minor key.
What makes a grumps a grumps? Witless Buffoonery that's what. (Well that and having to play along wth a pack of illiterate band mates) Witless buffoonery is our Grumps' pet hate. He's even written a song about it. Well you'd have to say he's in the wrong band if that's what he doesn't like. Definitely a step down from being the roadie for the Beautiful South.
When not pumping iron, our Lenwood might be found hunched over his computer producing innovative videos for The Dogs, mixing music like the grim reaper and driving around Hove very very slowly. But did you know he could play 'Wind Cries Mary' when he was only 14 years old himself? Hendrix didn't write it till he was 25. We think that says a lot.
As the moniker suggests, Mark is as keen as the proverbial mustard. There's nothing he likes more than playing his Gretch kit with the Dogs. Failing that, he'll be happy to just talk drums and if you want to know about snare drums you'll have a lovely chat with him. Just dont tell him his cat's stuck up a tree or he may well break down.
Dog Like Status! The very name has people the whole Brighton over saying "What the fuck does that mean?" Well read on, dear reader, to receive enlightenment on the history of The Dogs themselves. I'm here with Ashley (Cunty Chops) Small, Lenny (Beefcake) Carr, Tim (Grumps) Lloyd and Mark (Mustard) Paul to find out what makes these very special canines tick.
Click to read the full interview below »INTERVIEWER: So how did the band start?
Tim: Around 2006, I was working as a professional musician and scoring my dope off Ash. I'd just done the music for a TV advert that was playing on such heavy rotation for a couple of months that even I got sick of seeing it on telly every ad break.
Ash: I'd written a bunch of songs that I wanted to record on my digital 8 track so I bribed Tim with a lump of dope to come over and help me do it.
Tim: Yeah I remember you'd been asking me for ages but when I saw the dope I was over like a shot!
Len: Oh what a fateful day that was!
Ash: So I've always been the main songwriter
Tim: HA! Those songs would be nothing without me realising them for you!
Len: Not this again!
INTERVIEWER: Realising the songs? What do you mean, Tim?
Tim: Before I got my hands on them, they were all just verse chorus verse chorus verse chorus out. No middle 8, no bridge, no solo, no structure, no nowt!
Ash: Bollocks they're my songs
Len: And for the lyrics you'd write one verse and just repeat that over and over.
Mark: He still does that!
Ash: What about Alcoholidaze?
Mark: They are good lyrics to be fair.
Tim: Yeah only took him about 3 years that one.
Len: He's getting quicker!
Ash: Fuck you all!!
...and we'll leave the dogs there to bicker amongst themselves for a while.
After completing their first demo cd, Ash and Tim recruited Lenny into the pack. It was only when Len joined that definite designated roles were formed in the band. Tim would be the bassist, Lenny would be lead guitar and Ash would, erm... also play guitar. Many a drummer was hired, some were found and some stumbled across the position by hook or by crook, but all of them ended out broken and damaged beyond repair, until at long last the 3 dogs completed their line up with the recruitment of the fab-drumming, cat-loving, keen-as-Mustard Mark!
Tim: Yeah it was a breath of fresh air when Mustard joined. we'd had so many problems with drummers over the years. Dunno what the fuck's up with em but drummers are the most temperamental twats of all musicians.
Mark: Well you just tell me where to find em and I'll...
Tim: What? You'll what? You'll show em how to play the proper fill on Dogs Will Die?
Mark: No I mean I'll...
Len: He means if they come back he'll chase em off
Ash: Well Steve might come back. We never even officially sacked him!
Mark: Well if this Steve comes back playing silly buggers I'll give him a smack in his bloody gob!
Tim: How useful.
INTERVIEWER: Can you remember all your previous drummers?
Tim, Len, Ash (in unison): Dave, Johnimal, Rory, Marco, Steve
Len:... And that miserable cunt with his shorts pulled up so high they chaffed his nipples - especially since the twat had his t-shirt tucked in to his over-highly-pulled-up shorts. In fact that twat had a meltdown and got his wife to write some abuse about Tim on some social media site.
Mark: Well you just tell me where to...
Len: Alright Mustard we know you're keen. You don't have to prove it every five minutes.
Tim: Rory was a good drummer.
Ash: But he left us to tour Scandinavia with a punk band didn't he?
Len: Something like that. Didn't work out for him though did it?
Tim: Apparently the rest of em were a bunch of cunts.
Ash: Too much boozing not enough smoking is what I heard.
Len: Sounds about right for Rory.
Tim: Marco was good too.
Len: The Italian Stallion.
Ash: He was shit! He played too fast.
Tim: He only played one song at one gig too fast
Len: It was the opening number of his one and only gig.
Ash: Yeah, Alcoholidaze. At 100 mile an hour.
Tim: Well he was a bit nervous.
Ash: A bit nervous and a bit shit!
Tim: Bollocks! You're shit!
Ash: What about you??!!??! All you do is....
...and we'll leave the dogs there to bicker amongst themselves for a while.
When lockdown ended, the spirited dogs managed to finish their long awaited and excellent video for new single Alcoholidaze. Even more impressive was the fact that it was completed on a budget of absolutely zero.
Ash: No it bloody wasn't. What about the green screen?
Tim: What that green sheet we found in our flat and pinned to the wall?
Ash: No we...well what about all the cameras then?
Len: We ended up using our phones didn't we?
Ash: Yeah but we still fucking bought em you spaz!
Mark: Yeah then we returned em and got our money back. We're gonna spend it on a drone for the HMV video remember?
Ash: Well it's all fucking bollocks anyway, this alcoholidaze vid is all about Tim. I'm hardly even in it! Oh yeah, look at me, my name's Tim, I'm an alcoholic cunt!
Tim: You wrote the frigging lyrics not me!
Len: Well actually he didn't, we all wrote them whilst we took an (even by our slacking standards) extraordinarily long break in one rehearsal.
Tim: Yeah and what about the Lovesick vid? That's all you.
The Clown: Yeah and what about me!!! Mwwhaaaa haaa he he.
...and we'll leave the dogs there to bicker amongst themselves for a while.
